The internet stands by the ‘toxic’ wife for saying no to her husband

In a new viral post, the Internet defends a woman it called “toxic” the husband After she said “no” to him several times in one day.

Posted in redditForum r/AmITheA** The infamous slot, a woman under the username u/Consciously_Anoying, has taken her story to the community’s ‘AITA’ page for feedback to let her know if she was wrong. The viral post has 7000 upvotes and 800 comments.

The Redditor begins her story by explaining that she and her husband have been married for six years. Within four years, they had three children and she wrote that she was exhausted. She praised her husband, but got tired of the way he has been acting lately.

She wrote, “On the couples day off, he wanted to stay home and rest, so I went grocery shopping, came home, unpacked all the groceries, cleaned the house (he cleaned our room), and prepared everything for our son’s birthday party the next day and prepared dinner.”

“Once dinner was over, I started tidying up and he got down on the floor to flush out his back pain. I threw him a paper towel and said ‘Why don’t you wipe that spill while you’re there?'” Negative and light-hearted. I have to be on the floor to clean it up myself, so it made sense for me to ask him while he was already on the floor,”

He told her “no” and walked away from the mess. I was frustrated that this happened more over the course of a few days. She defended herself, telling her husband that not helping her with chores was “rude and disrespectful.”

A man and a woman are arguing about simple household chores
The Internet sided with a woman who described her behavior as “toxic,” and she said no to her husband multiple times.
Antonio_Diaz / iStock / Getty Images Plus

“Did you seriously tell me that I can’t say no? I’m an adult man. I don’t need to explain things to you. You can tell me no, I can tell you no,” he spat.

She replied that she could not refuse him because he would be upset with her. She explained to him that she wishes they could handle things “as a team” and he could say no if he was busy or he would get to it later.

She explained, “It really bothered me that he said I couldn’t tell him anytime, because that wasn’t right in our relationship. So I tested it out. All day Saturday I tried to tell him ‘no’ about the little things. Are you going to do this date for me? No.” Are you going to go get me a garbage bag? No. Are you going to bring me some lunch? No.”

“I never set foot on any of them, I just started refusing and I would go away and he would either think of me or convince me or frustrate me every single time and every time I finished until I did. Like I always did. The next morning he asked me to do I put my foot down and said I didn’t want to do it and he’d have to. He got really upset and asked why it’s so hard so I told him.”

She said no to him 11 times in one day, and she said he never kissed her “no” once and was upset with her. He was pissed that she tracked all the times she said no and that was “toxic” because she would have gone crazy if he was the one tracking.

She explained how upset she is because she thinks he can say “no” and get away from the mess and she has to be the one to clean it up because she doesn’t want her children to live with this mess.

Do you think you are in a relationship with a Narcissist? there many signs that you should be aware of. According to, some warning signs are only self-talk, praise seeking, and they’ll only give if it means they’re getting something in return and loads of jealousy.

Redditors were quick to comment in defense of the original poster (OP).

U/bobbycw received the highest comment with over 16,000 upvotes, “I strongly suspect you’re married to a narcissist. Because here’s what happened: You went to him with strict proof. But are you talking about his behavior? We’re talking about yours.”

“The best defense is a good attack. I gave him evidence and he came back with his own accusation, and now that’s what you guys are busy talking about. Meanwhile, his double standards aren’t discussed. That’s what he tells you to do,” they continued.

“[Not the A**hole]. He’s playing a kid’s game and you’re playing by his rules. It’s not your fault that he can’t keep his word,” u/Alarmed-Metal5891 wrote.

“[Not the A**hole], but I think the whole “no” conversation gets away from the actual problem. You want your spouse to be a team player and do more at home, hopefully without having to ask. Sounds like you two want more of an actual partnership. Forget about the no’s and talk about things fully,” u/Little-Aardvark3540 explained.

exclaimed U/telepathicathena, “[Not the A**hole] He is using Classic DARVO: Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. You are the victim here, he is the culprit, yet he is arguing about your actions and not his unacceptable treatment of you.”

In a recent update to the post, the OP explains where they are. She explained that she had a discussion with him, saying that what she did was “childish” and she would never do it again. However, she did not like the way he was treating her. He admitted that he was “depressed and disappointed in his behaviour” because his father was a narcissist and grew up in a “toxic” environment.

He said he thought his behavior was correct because of what he saw growing up. He wants to work on his behavior as she explained to him that when she asks him to do something, he doesn’t make it seem like a burden and speaks to her respectfully. She says it was a great conversation.

You also write that they are going to therapy.